Nelson Family Rules

Something unique Brian and I do in our marriage and family is to allow each of us to make one rule annually by which all members of the family must abide. We call these Family Rules. Typically, as many of you know, a courtship is more likely to lead to marriage when they agree upon "the basics" - politics, religion, money, etc. Brian and I agree on most of these "basics". Even though we are often on the same page about things sometimes as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. Brian has discovered my somewhat nonsensical, yet non-negotiable expectations and/or quirks. For example, I cannot fall asleep unless I know the dishes are complete downstairs. Also, when I leave the house, and especially when I go on vacation, my house must be perfectly clean in the event that someone must come into my home for some reason while I'm away. I also just like coming home to a clean home after I've been away. These traits of mine came as some surprise to Brian as he was not aware of them before we wed. He has discovered (and continues to discover) these aspects of me over the course of our marriage.

Brian, on the other hand, has a silly sense of brand loyalty to Costco, In-N-Out and American Express. While I do like these companies and their business models, I don't see the logic in driving five extra miles just to fill up on gas at Costco to save three cents per gallon.

Despite how crazy and different we find each other, we have agreed that once a year we can impose our "personal preferences" on the rest of the family by decreeing a Family Rule of the year. I will recap how the rules started as well as which rules have been imposed so far with their respective backstories. As Marbury v Madison first establishment judicial review, our 2009 Thanksgiving trip to visit Jarom and Erica in Idaho established the Nelson Family Rules.


Christina's 2009 Family Rule: The whole family must pack for a trip the day before

For Thanksgiving, Brian and I went to visit our dear friends up in Idaho. Brian waited until the last minute to pack, unlike me that carefully packed a day before the trip and was then able to make last minute adjustments to my luggage. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner and stayed the rest of the weekend at our friend's house. Sunday came and as we were dressing for church Brian realized that he had brought his suit coat but had forgotten his suit pants. He ended up wearing jeans and a white shirt to church. Brian felt very sheepish and embarrassed at his appearance because he prefers to dress more formally as an outward commit to God in his worship. At first, I was annoyed at him, but later felt badly because he was so embarrassed. But I still held that I had told him to pack sooner, but he claimed there was no need. My point made. And thus my rule made, not only as extra insurance that he will pack before, but that he will not forget again.


Brian's 2009 Family Rule: Christina may not throw away Brian's things without permission

Brian caught me throwing away a pair of his shoes that held sentimental value. (as well as aromatic value!).


Christina's 2010 Family Rule: Christina does not ever have to drive a stick shift car nor is she to be mocked about her inability and refusal

The car we have had for most of our marriage is a manual car and once a week during Family Night Brian would force me to practice driving in the BYU football stadium parking lots. Subsequently, each night after torturous practice and tears, I would have nightmares of stalling in major intersections, on hills, or in stop and go traffic. In 2010 I decided enough was enough and instigated my 2010 Family Rule.



Brian's 2010 Family Rule: Christina cannot yell at Brian (especially in public)

As some of you know, my voice is known to carry. Brian and I were shopping at Costco and I thought I was just quietly rebuking him. My "kind rebuke" was in fact a shrewish shrieking for which Costco shoppers had a front row seat.


Christina's 2011 Family Rule: Brian must shave for going to church and temple


As you can tell, most of these rules are established to help us reach an agreement where Brian and I normally have divergent ways of thinking. In regards to shaving both Brian and I agree he looks better when shaven. However, Brian would prefer an extra 15 minutes of sleep. In taking his shuteye into account, I made the rule only apply to instances of worship. So he doesn't have to bother arising early for things such as school or work.


Brian's 2011 Family Rule

Brian had no complaints whatsoever about his beautiful wife Christina so he decided to forgo his rule for this year. (Actually, we just can't remember what rule he made. We don't usually remember the rules until we break them. So we'll have to wait it out and at some point I'll break Brian's unremembered 2011 decree.)



Christina's 2012 Family Rule

I have not made my rule for the year yet. Any suggestions?

Brian's 2012 Family Rule: The sink, which is a double sink, must always have one side empty of dishes.

I, of course would prefer there to never be dishes in the sink but sometimes when we have people over or we make a big meal the dishes end up all over the house and the counters. I prefer to collect them and just stack them in the sink. However Brian hates this and made it his rule for this year. To Brian's dismay I have broken this rule a few times and need to work on it.



I have chosen to blog about this to help Brian and I keep a better record of the established rules so that we can remember to keep our commitments to each other and because I want to remember the stories behind why we made some of these rules.